also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize