everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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