yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
