i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
