i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize