YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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