question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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