I must be too annoying 4 u.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
