They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
