the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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