Well apparently he's into motor boating.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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