Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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