the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
