Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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