i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
