So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
