I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize