this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
