ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
