Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
COCAINE IS GR8
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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