Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
