She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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