I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
