no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
