I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
