Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
