You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
