What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
