mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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