my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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