As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
