Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
