His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
