all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize