I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
