She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
