ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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