Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
