JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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