I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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