We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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