Im at strip club and am horny
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
