He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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