my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
