he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
