That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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