So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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