yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
