ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
