You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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