Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
