when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
