saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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