I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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