her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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