Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize