??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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