Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
