I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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