Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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