everyone is single if you try hard enough
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
