There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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