Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
