Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
In America we eat man semen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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